Else what's a heaven for?

I'm really writing this on New Year's day, when it's still trippy to see the date in front of me.

I've been thinking this morning about what a good year it was, how many good memories I have. In the early days of the pandemic, watching Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals on the weekends with the boys. Watching the baby's first steps, because they were right outside the door of my bedroom where I was working. The 5yo sitting in my lap and doing math. Epic Reading Challenges. Taking the kids to Brooklyn Bridge Park for fresh air and frisbee and later Prospect Park for soccer classes, like a mom.

There was health stuff. Jon went to the hospital for 3 nights in January, which was hard and scary. We were all sick in March, with our long-time babysitter very sick until May. If there hadn't been a global pandemic to scare us, it might not have made my New Year's post. Jon and I are both much more out of shape today than we were a year ago, due to more child care, less commuting. I sometimes think I'm overly conscientious to still be doing my PT exercises years and decades later, but then my body decompensated in late November with back pain and then last week I sprained my "good" ankle. d'oh!

Last year I couldn't figure out how we'd handle all the travel we had planned for the first half of the year: spring break in Florida, Jon's reunions in April and May, Boston in June to see Nayland's show and my friends. Obviously it worked out. Jon and Lucky went to Joshua Tree for a boys trip in February and I'm so very glad they did. My son's spring break with grandma in March got turned into a family trip (sans grandma) in August. Club Med was wonderful: Jon took me sailing and we had lunch with wine and no children. I had a marvelous golf lesson, tried flying trapeze for the first time, and went to the pool with the kids. The 5yo loved it.

I finished 54 books, which sounds better than the 41 and 42 from the prior two years, except only one was non-fiction (and I finished that in November). Commuting time was good for reading little bits of non-fiction, which I'd be inspired to continue when I got home. I read A LOT about viruses and epidemiology this year, just not in book form. ( I didn't read any quality books, but there were several series and enjoyable themes, occasionally NSFW ) Alice Hoffman came out with a prequel to my favorite book and I liked it very much. Ready Player Two's ending was so bad, I wish I'd never started the book. My diversity reads were Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (excellent, because of the completely novel to me story) and The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang (terrible, despite the Vietnamese protagonist). I finally read The Red Tent, which I found haunting, and really made me question a lot of my deeply held beliefs.

I think I was better at generosity this year - goodness knows there were plenty of opportunities. I made no progress on face blindness and the less said about my weight, the better.

My resolutions for 2021 are:

• to be more productive by using my time better (less doomscrolling!);
• to be more careful what I say around the children;
• to help my husband more around the house;
• to have a more organized apt at the end of the year (I have the Before picture oy);
• to build a relationship, at work or personally.

Oh, and to travel more, maybe?

I felt like we got to Maine and were basically winging our vacation, even though I spent about a day planning the trip (half a day booking lodgings and another half day researching the national parks) and I've been to the same area with my family before. I even failed to acquire a guide book of any sort and my aunts who take their families to Acadia National Park weren't very helpful. Then after walking/hiking <6mi in one day, I was crippled, so it's not like my plans would have availed much anyhow. *sighs* In the end though, I had some really great moments with the child and long after I've given up on making a photobook of the trip, that'll be what matters.

We started the trip with a stop in Connecticut, to see my brand new nephew. To save time, we had dinner at the hospital - my mother occasionally goes to the hospital solely for the food - but the pickings were meager on a Friday night. I slept for a while, then kept my husband company for the last few hours of the 9 hour drive, talking his ear off about everything on my mind. I've been doing that a lot lately.

The next morning, I took the child for breakfast and got some quality time with him. We hadn't seen much of him in the week since camp and I am inutterably charmed that he worried about waking his father. Eventually he woke on his own, devoured leftover omelette, and drove us to Bar Harbor, stopping on the way for our first lobster roll of the trip. By the time we checked in and unpacked, we had time to walk around town. The child came back from camp hungry all the time, so we took him for the early bird special at the 22nd best restaurant in town, the West Street Café, where everyone had lobsters. I believe the child has had lobster before, but it was pretty funny watching his attempts to get the meat out, like when he declared the tail was too hard to eat from.

Sunday, we had breakfast at Testa's, which was a regrettable throwback to the trip's earlier mediocre food. On the plus side, it was near the north end of town and we happened to be there near low tide, so over the child's worrywart protests, we walked to the top of Bar Island, stopping on the way back to admire the mist behind the cruise ships and for another rock skipping lesson. We drove into the park and stopped at the visitor's center, where Lucky reluctantly received a Junior Ranger guide. He liked the national parks passport book better and got his first stamp. Then we drove to Gorham "Mountain" for a moderate 1.8mi hike to the top. Since we were already on the west side of the park, we drove to Thurston's Lobster's Pound. As soon as we got there, I remembered eating there about a decade ago with my folks: it was one of the best meals of the trip. The blueberry cake that came with our meals was delicious, but I'm so glad I got the strawberry rhubarb pie as well, bc the vanilla cream was incredible.

The next morning Jon went climbing with a guide, so Lucky and I went to the nature center and the beach. He's spent every summer of his life going to the Jersey shore, so he loved looking for crabs among the lowish-tide rocks, despite the reek from a few dead ones. He's also scared of heights though, so I was very surprised to see him scrambling on them. Originally we'd talked about walking several miles to the next location, but waited for the bus instead. I wanted more from our day, but as I write this, I realize he really, really needed to run around and climb things. I... can relate to that.

Between our b&b and the climbing shop was a deli where Lucky got a lump lobster roll and I got a burger. The boys napped and I rested. The child once more demanded food, so we took him Poor Boy's Gourmet, which should've been walking distance from our room. It was more gourmet Maine food: I got a (virgin) blueberry martini, Jon had lobster fra diavolo, and the child had yet another boiled lobster. Yum. Unfortunately, I couldn't make the walk back, so Jon brought the car over.

Tuesday morning, we went kayaking with National Park Sea Kayak Tours. We saw little wildlife and our guide was not very good at narrating, or even keeping the boats together, but we enjoyed it. We showered and went to Jordan Pond for an elegant lunner. I could've stayed all afternoon, just looking at the Bubbles, eating popovers, and enjoying the sunshine.

Wednesday morning, we finally met up with my aunt and uncle and their kids for brunch at Two Cats, which was delicious if carborrific, and drove to Boston. A good friend recommended a Thai place not far from our hotel and met us there and we caught up.

I had grand plans for finally doing all the touristy things I'd never done in Boston as an undergrad, but being unable to walk from Faneuil Hall to the subway without tears put the kibosh on that. We took a duck tour, which I'd always wanted to do, but was disappointing. The duck was cool and all, but I really wanted a little more history and background on the city as we drove around. Based on our conversation at the visitor's center, I think I will try to get a tour - possibly with a ranger - next time we try the Freedom Trail. We had dinner at Durgin Park, which seemed like the thing to do, and made it home.

Friday I went for a massage at Massage Therapy Works. I walked out and immediately had a twinge in my back and thought, "Oh well, it was worth a shot." Then I spent 5 hours walking around the Museum of Science with just a few sitting breaks and woke the next morning feeling bouncy, so I guess it did work.

I am so impressed with the Museum of Science: it's the best time I've had at a science museum since I went to the Ontario Science Center as a kid. (That museum was so amazing, my family planned multiple week-long road trips to Toronto where we did nothing but hang out at the museum.) Every time I come to Boston, they have interesting special exhibits: this time it was everyday math (which involved snowboarding and space simulations) and "Grossology". I LOVED the updated Hall of Life so much, my menfolk had to drag me out. (Data!) Funniest moment was when one of the explainers came by as we were discussing the prenatal exhibit and offered her help. I still maintain the 4 month baby and the 6 month baby were the wrong size.

Saturday morning we had a delightful breakfast with the Cozikins, who picked the perfect place for us to chat for 3 hours while the children played. As we were going back to our car, Lucky asked, "When are we hanging out with them again?" I couldn't agree more.

I'd like to claim I wasn't really in the mood for the High Holidays this year because they came so early, but whatever it was, I feel kinda guilty. Jon and I had agreed to check out synagogues in Brooklyn after last Yom Kippur, but we never got around to it and he didn't want to commit to a shul for all the services without having been there before. Even though it was logistically terrible, we decided to split the holiday between Ct synagogue for Rosh Hashanah and the trendy synagogue for Yom Kippur, admittedly in part bc the former is free-to-us and the latter has short services. ( Read more... ) AISOT, I've been navel gazing too much this year and reading too many self-improvement books, but I thought about how the past year has gone, religiously.

Sometime in August, I blithely commented to Jon that I thought the tabs were pretty even when it came to how much I'd sinned against others vs. sins against me. Then I remembered how I broke up with Jon last year during Rosh Hashanah and how my indecision hurt Julian -- and apologized profusely to both of them.

One of the things that's come up from my conversations with Julian is that we both say things in ways that sound more hurtful than we mean. This is something my female relatives have told me repeatedly, but with Julian, he doesn't leave when I'm horrible, so I can actually work on it.

There's an idea in Judaism called "lashon hara". When I was in day school, we were told this means "don't gossip," although a sermon I heard a year or two ago talked about how you shouldn't share other people's good news either, lest you make someone feel bad. This has never made sense to me: gossip is how cultural norms are enforced, so it's kinda necessary. If my mother didn't gossip with me, I'd have no idea what's going on with the rest of my family, which I was raised to believe is a much larger sin.

HOWEVER, Julian recently pointed out to me that I'm always complaining about so-and-so aggravating me for xyz reason. I bet this is cutting into the feelings of gratitude I try to cultivate when I'm feeling self-actualized. I still haven't worked out where the line is: I DO need to communicate what's up to my partners from the social media that I caught, I DO need to figure out why certain behaviors are bothering me and how to fix them. I also know that it's not a SMART goal, but one of my objectives for 5774 is to think more about what I say and how I say it. If I'm more grateful as a result, awesome.

I got to practice immediately after Yom Kippur. We broke fast at Jon's cousins house, which meant we got to see his mother's family again. It was a lot larger than I expected and much more elaborate. The good thing is, I keep forgetting that Jon's family, while not Asian, loves eating as much as I do. The bad thing was, there were lots of non-family. Jon's cousin kept talking up my adventures and I was feeling shy. oh well.

Sun morning, we got up wicked early to go kayaking. I'd bought a Living Social deal back in June, bc the trip combined kayaking and wine tasting on the North Fork. Alas, there was little of either. ( Read more... ) I don't know how Jon stood it; thank goodness I passed out.